Goal For Emma

Being a girl (I still don't consider myself a woman, I have no idea why) I have self image issues. The media sculpts this picture of what we are "suppose" to look like, medical charts show what we "should be" weighing, measuring in height, and intelligence.....To me this is all bogus and something I know I can't prevent Emma from seeing, hearing, or being a part of, but I can work really hard to make sure she knows how beautiful she is and that as long as she is taking care of herself and being a good person, that is all that matters.

Self image is just one of the many things that are on the top of my goal list for her....

I was raised with a beautiful, thin mom. She always made sure that he hair was done....even if she wasn't going anywhere. She always took care of herself, and made sure that she looked her best. Growing up, I noticed every curl she put in her hair, every sweep of her make-up brushes, and every slip into her shoes and I couldn't wait for when I was old enough for all of that. I have loved being a girl and all of the "dressing up" customs that come along with it....then society got to me.

I started noticing (in the 3rd grade) that I was a lot bigger than the other girls and that I didn't have as pretty hair or faces as the other girls because mine was so round and my hair was so fine. From a very young age I never felt good enough. This had NOTHING to do with my family life, I had an amazingly close family and they never put me down or made me feel any less of a person....I really think that I just started to notice self image a lot sooner than other girls because I was "different."

Long, drawn out story short....I started to take care of myself as best as I could starting at a very young age to try and make myself feel as good as I thought the other girls did....this isn't the life I want for my daughter....

My entire life I was wanted a little girl so bad that I had her name picked out since I can remember...and no, it wasn't Emma. Now I am so scared to be having a girl because I don't want her to go through what I did. Even though I have always been very good at hiding my issues with my self image...I struggle with it everyday, and I know I most likely always will. I want her to see the way I carry myself the same way my mom carried herself when I was little, I want her to love being a girl and not want to look a certain way for anyone but her. I wake up at 4:30 every morning so that I have time to shower, do my make-up and hair. Could I take a shower the night before, sleep in, throw my hair back and not even worry about any make-up....but that's not me. I like taking my time doing my make-up while listening to the news, I love playing with colors of eye shadow and making sure my mascara looks just right. Do I want to look presentable for work even though it's at a meat plant? yes. Do I want to feel good about myself and feel pretty? absolutely. I love to do my hair and make-up and dress nice because it makes me feel good and that, is what matters to me. I know that I am and will never be a size 2 and I'm fine with that. However, is that reason enough to let myself go completely because I will never be what society thinks is perfect and beautiful...NEVER.

I know that Emma is going to be strong and confident and not have a problem carrying herself. And THAT is my number one goal for her. I want to be the best mom I can and make her feel as beautiful and "perfect" as I can.